How To Survive In SMK Bukit Baru

I've been studying for three years in SMK Bukit Baru and I tell you, it has been both fun and crazy at times, especially in our class, 3M, arguably the most "famous" class in this school. Every teacher knows how "good" our class is and our class teacher gets complaints almost everyday, ranging from how dirty it is to how rude the students are. We're actually supposed to be the best students of Form 3, the hope of this school for PMR straight As and so on. In the end, I think it's appropriate to write a dumb guide of how to survive in our crazy environment after three long years in it. (Just to make you all understand how bad our class situation is, we're located on the highest floor of the new block F and we can do almost anything without really getting caught.)

1. NEVER stand near to a guy who is about to scream obscenities to a random stranger/strangers below the block. Even if you do, better run as fast as he does.

2. DO NOT offer your guy friends Oreo biscuits or anything like that. He might just chew it and spit it on the floor while waiting for someone to step on it. I saw this just last week, it was absolutely disgusting.

3. Leaving your shoes or bags unattended under a shade near any block is extremely inadvisable and stupid because people in our class are really good at spitting (even with the wind condition and standing at the third floor) and can shoot their yellow, thick phlegm right into your unsuspecting shoe or bag. It happened about a month ago to some Malay students near the KH bengkel while we were having our English Week presentation practice. I pity those victims.

4. Burping is a common phenomena in many classes and don't be surprised if someone burps directly in front of you. It may smell of his breakfast or lunch, or maybe the combination of both at once, all I can tell is that it won't be nice. All the teachers who have come to our class knows this and are constantly harassed by burping.

5. NEVER play dodgeball with anybody from our class or Form 5s when you ponteng the co-curriculum period anywhere. You'll be beat up pretty badly, so duck for cover.

6. Speaking of co-curriculum, don't get fooled like me into going to a illusionary "Chess Club" with your friends thinking that you can quietly do homework in one of the classrooms in a random block. You might just get locked up in that block with some 30 guys for an hour till the co-curriculum period ends, courtesy of the crazy guru koku, Ng Chin(He actually lied that he would let us go at 6pm). A "Chess Club" doesn't exist in SMK Bukit Baru and even if there will be one in the future, I can bet that nobody will be there.

7. NEVER EVER EVER let anyone in your class know your parents' names(don't let them look into your folios) at all costs possible. They(the guys in our class) will scream, for example, "Samy(Dinesh's dad, one of their favorites) SUTTT?" and another part of the guys will echo,"TAYYY!!!" which combines into a word that kinda means "ass" in Tamil. Sometimes, when we feel creative, we will hit a stamp, stamp, clap beat (like in the song, "We Will Rock You") or change the back part with "BERBU? LU!!", "BO?DOH!" and some other crude stuff I can't mention.

8. Turning on the tap in the Science lab for the likes of Eddie and Nicholas will only result in sticky hands, because they always apply a thick slab of glue and the tap before. Typical pranksters.

9. Another prank you should avoid is shaking hands with Eddie. I can bet there's a needle hidden somewhere in his fingers. I fell for it twice, damn.

10. Girls should always be aware of guys who like to pull ponytails in class. They come from behind and attack as many of them are listening to the teacher or sleeping. I must confess that I've tried it before, just to test how they managed to pull it off so successfully. It was cool seeing her tie it back. I'm really sorry. Couldn't help it.

On the lighter side, do
1. Sneak out of the Science lab when ever-boring Mr.Krishna is doing a petroleum distillation experiment that smells so bad and go buy some snacks at the koperasi nearby.

2. Scribble terms from the popular Science Chapter 4: Reproduction on your desk and places near it.

3. Have a competition of throwing paper planes down the block. See who can throw the furthest. Make sure your discipline teachers like Mr."My Botak Head's So Shiny, It Can Burn A Hole In Your Eyes" Wong or some equally bald ustaz never catches you in the act.